Have you ever been told, “no, it can’t be done?”. How did that make you feel? Growing up as a woman in a very patriarchal country and living in the U.S. as a Latino immigrant for the last twenty-four years, I have had my share of “no, that is not possible”.

One encounter with no sayers that was particularly challenging for me was when I was twenty-two years old and made the decision to go to graduate school in the United States.  The year I started thinking about going abroad was 1991. There was no such thing as searching for something on Google. In addition, my university had no computers, faxes, or resources available for students looking to connect to other universities. Living in a small city in Argentina, I had no access to this kind of information. The only way that students could find out about studying abroad was to get on a bus and travel six hours to the country’s capital. Once in Buenos Aires, they could visit each country’s embassy with the hopes of finding a binder with brochures or a kind person who could give them the mailing addresses of a few universities to get them started with their research.

At the time none of my classmates were even considering studying abroad. The cost of studying and living in the U.S. was extremely high for the average Argentinean student, including myself. Most people did not have the financial resources to study English and pass the language examination required to attend programs abroad. Finally, most students were too busy to think about anything else besides passing the exams and finding a job after graduation.  No matter how attractive the idea of studying abroad was on paper, everybody knew that by leaving the country students also risked missing valuable opportunities to start a career in their home country.

In spite of all the obstacles that I was to overcome in the years following my initial idea, somehow, I found a way to attend the University of California at Berkeley and be invited to be a Visiting Scholar and Researcher. Later on I was offered full scholarships at other institutions and, little by little, I started an academic career in the U.S. that allowed me to meet wonderful people and stay intellectually challenged every year since that first day that I arrived.

Looking back I realize now that whatever level of success I have experienced in life so far has not really been connected to my ability to find supportive people but rather to the ability to remain convinced that if you are creative and open-minded you can always find a way to make your dreams come true. It is so clear to me now that my biggest asset has been the ability to be brave enough to take the first step without knowing where it will take me. If I can just get myself to take that very small first step, life always finds a way to show me what the next step should be.

So now when I think of all those people who have told me “no, it can’t be done” over the years, I am able to understand that their negativity has little to do with the actual reality of whether something is possible or not, but more with the limitations or fears of that particular person. Sometimes people need to believe that something can’t be done. What would happen if some of their dreams could have been achievable? What excuses would they come up with to justify themselves for not acting? When you think something can’t be done, then there is no need to try, no need to risk failure, no reason for putting yourself on the line.

So here is my advice: the next time you find yourself contemplating doing something out of your comfort zone -like moving to a country you have never visited or learned a new language as an adult- and someone tells you “no, it can’t be done”, instead of hearing those exact words, just take a couple of minutes to separate yourself from the situation and see if you can experience the moment in a completely different way.

First, try to feel some empathy for those people who told you no. Probably, their previous life experiences have limited their beliefs of what is possible and made them stay away from exploring new ideas and opportunities. Second, rephrase the “it can’t be done” and turn it into one of these five phrases:

1. “it can’t be done this way, you just need to find another way”
2. “it can’t be done with my help so start thinking of who else can help you”
3. “it can’t be done with this mindset, let’s come up with a new framework”
4. “it can’t be done with the existing financial resources, how can we raise some money?”
5. “it can’t be all resolved this very minute so let’s focus on what we can do today”

And remember, there is not such a thing as “it can’t be done” when the only thing between you and your dream is coming up with just the first step.